God can I be real for a moment. I believe in you but yet I suffer. It does not make sense to live expecting for you to move in my life and I don't see it realized. I am backed up against a wall here.
Do you see me? What do you expect me to do? Should I keep working, writing, teaching what do you want from me? Really this is pitful and I hate pity. I know pride is not good but being humble hurts too much. Every time I let down my guard and start expecting the impossible I am left still expecting. I feel like a blind man yearning to see can you please give me direction?
I am just a man but what does that really mean? Why must I suffer? Why must I be hurt? I know I am suppose to be grateful but I have to be honest. I can not live without you hearing all of me. Maybe I should not be blogging this. Maybe this is too personal and people may take this the wrong way. I don't care. I must be honest with you. For in my honesty you receive me. You don't judge or condemn me but love me.
I see now that what I go through is not for me but for others. It is so that I can taste what they taste and feel what they feel. It is so that my heart can be filled with compassion understanding their struggle and life. That is what you show me. That is why I write. You transform my negatively and create a new perspective. You take my darkness and give me a path full of light. Thank you God for listening to me and embracing me. Confession truly does lead to Salvation. :)
Okay back to the question What do you do? Be honest and confess to God only He truly understands your situation. I felt bad, frustrated, discouraged before this blog but now I leave hopeful, happy, and loved. God is good. Don't allow anyone to make you think you are unworthy of a relationship with Him. Wherever you are right now you have the opportunity to speak to Him for yourself.
01/18/12
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